‘You Can’ is a weekly post to help you build self belief and achieve success. Whether you want to travel the world, build a business, run a marathon, or change your life, it all starts with believing that YouCAN.
#YouCAN – 02
#YouCan Develop A Growth Mindset.
Okay so what is a growth mind set?
When it comes to mindset, we have two polarising settings. At one end you have a fixed mindset and at the other end you have a growth mindset.
When you have a fixed mindset, you believe that your abilities and your talents are fixed and they can not be altered. You believe that your DNA determines your traits. Some people are athletic, some people are academic, some people are creative etc You believe that you either have it or you don’t and much like your shoe size, there isn’t anything that you can do about it.
So, why do we have a fixed mindset? Often we begin to create these limiting beliefs when we experience emotional pain due to failure, embarrassment or danger. If you ran a race at school and you finished last, you might have felt embarrassed. That experience makes you believe that you are not very good at running. In fact the truth may be that you are not very good at running yet.
If you have a growth mindset then you believe that you can learn, improve, develop a new skill, and that if you practice something, you can get better. Once you adopt this way of thinking, you begin to approach things with a totally different attitude. We’ve all heard people say that ‘If you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything’ Well this is not just a motivational quote, science now states that neuroplasticity is indeed possible. Our brains are an organ that can adapt and repair. We can learn and we can retrain our brains, for example, it’s not easy to learn a new language as an adult, but it is certainly possible.
Having a fixed mindset holds you back and once you break free of those limiting beliefs about yourself, you can achieve the most incredible things.
We start forming our own belief systems at a very young age, these are created by our cultural influences and our parents. We learn somethings that are objectively true, for example, ‘The kettle is hot and can be dangerous.’ We also learn things that are not objectively true, for example ‘You’re not very confident within a big group’. This creates the invisible structure of our belief systems, aka the things that we believe to be true about ourselves. If you carry these truths with you into adult life without ever questioning them, you will have a fixed mindset that limits your abilities and ultimately limits your success. However, if you choose to explore those beliefs and to question them, then you can decide what you believe to be true.
So, what can we do?
You can train yourself to change your default mindset. If you naturally default into negative thoughts about yourself and your ability, then it can be difficult to build a more positive attitude and to develop a growth mindset. One of the most effective ways to begin the process of switching your default mindset, is to understand that your thoughts influence your actions. So the next time you find yourself in a situation where you are feeling negatively about yourself or you’re experiencing a moment of self doubt, think back to a time when you achieved success. This could be a big or small success. It could be as small as, a day when you said that you were going to go out and run, without any extrinsic motivation, you got out there and you did it. Or a time when you were asked to deliver a talk and it went really well. Focus on that sense of achievement, allow yourself to feel good about it and to say ‘If I did that, well then maybe I can do this too.’
Start to recognise those moments, when self doubt creeps in, take a moment to acknowledge it and then make a conscious effort to change that thought to a more positive one. Often when we feel overwhelmed or stressed out it is because we feel under prepared. Take as much time to prepare as possible and practice again and again. This will really help to you to feel more confident.
I am fascinated by the concept of Neuroplasticity, the idea that you can retrain your brains to adapt, to become smarter, improve your memory and to strengthen and improve brain function. This is incredible!
Lastly, this week I’m going to challenge you to create a daily practice. Each day this week I would like you to write down two things; one thing that you are good at and one thing that you want to become better at. Then explore different ways to learn and to improve. You could read a book, listen to an a podcast, sign up to a course, or reach out to a friend or mentor. At the end of the week you will be on your way to learning a lot more about your chosen topic and we all know that knowledge is a very powerful tool. This will also help you to break free from some of those limiting beliefs and you can then begin to cultivate a growth mindset.
Have an awesome week and let me know if you’re up for the one week challenge. You can hit me up on social media @adrienne_ldn
#YouCAN – 01
Quarter life crisis is a real thing!
You can overcome a quarter life crisis and find your focus.
So many millennial are struggling to meet their own expectations, they’re falling into the comparison trap and ultimately it leaves them feeling like they’re failing at life.
I was born in ’87 so I’m not sure that I can be considered a millennial myself but I have two twenty something siblings and I have friends that are both younger and older than me. I guess it’s human nature to look at our peers and to compare ourselves. ‘Wow, that person is way ahead of me, or, ‘That person has already achieved so much’, but in reality there is no way to truly measure a persons ‘success’, because success comes down to how you define it. Ultimately, you have to be the one to decide what you value most, what you want to achieve in your own life and how you’re going to work towards making that happen.
Life is not just about ticking the boxes… mortgage, marriage, kids, career etc. Your ideal life might look a lot different to mine, so why should we be held to the same set of standards.
Instead of criticising yourself, feeling bad and wasting time comparing, take a pen and paper and write down a list of things that fulfil you. A list of things, people, places that bring you joy! Search to find that one thing that lights you up. That makes you excited to learn more, to practice, and to pursue. Once you figure out what makes you feel the most fulfilled, then you can claim your definition of success.
Now imagine what that success looks like for you. Maybe you’re closer to it than you thought, or maybe you’re a million miles away, either way now you know what it looks like and you can make a plan.
Personally, it took me a decade between graduating from drama school, performing on stage, becoming a mother, re-training and studying, working as a fitness trainer, discovering running and finding my voice, to finally figure out what lights me up the most. Doing all of those things made me realise that I am a professional encourager. That’s what I do best. That’s what lights me up more than anything. So now, I’m on a mission to encourage others to do more and to become more. I believe in people and often I see their potential even before they do. My job is to help them believe in themselves so that they can go out and make it happen. I’m leading talks, mentoring one on one, as well as sharing this message on social media.
If you are in your late twenties and you’re thinking, ‘I have no idea what I really want to do with the rest of my life’ then don’t panic, everything that you’re doing and have done so far will help you to figure it out eventually, and you’re probably learning so much along the way. The fastest way to find out what you want, is to find our what you don’t want. So don’t stress too much about wasting time, you’re time is never wasted if you learn something from it, whether good or bad.
If you are in your thirties, forties or later, then the good news is that age no longer matters either. You don’t have an expiration date stamped on your forehead. The world is more connected than ever before. We have limitless knowledge at the touch (or swipe) of a button. If you’re willing to put the work in then it is never to late to start something new and to completely master it.
So that’s it, crisis averted, what are you waiting for? If you’re reading this and you completely disagree with me, then that’s totally cool, please feel free to continue with your day (no need to write a comment 🙂 BUT if you agree with me, even if you’re just considering that some of what I’ve said is true. Then please make that list and take action. Look at your list every single day and find a way to prioritise those things, people and places. Please don’t wait for ‘one day’ when is that day?
One day, I’m going to visit my friend in America. One day, I’m going to start exercising again. One day, I’m going to write a book proposal.
One day, one day, blahhh!